I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
