like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Michael Bay diarrhea
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
