Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
