if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
