Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
