Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
