Apparently you make a good broom.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize
