did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
