I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
