I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
