More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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