i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We need to rekindle our bromance
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
