I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
