how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
