I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Two words: blizzard sex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
