i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
