Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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