i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
