I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
