I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
