Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I seem to have left my pride at pride
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
