That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think I won the penis lottery.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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