He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
