There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
