Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I will pee on everything he values.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
