he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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