I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
