You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
