she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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