How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
