I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
