So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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