I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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