But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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