I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
