nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
