Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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