i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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