U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
