Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
