i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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