btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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