the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
