Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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