i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
