Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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