the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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