Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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