i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
