Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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